


This Calls For a Toast

by adaintywomanofmystery



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Andreil Week 2019, Fake Wedding, Fake dating (sort of), Humour, M/M, Minor Injuries, Minor Violence, Norse mythology (sort of), Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-15
Updated: 2019-07-15
Packaged: 2020-06-28 15:05:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19814782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adaintywomanofmystery/pseuds/adaintywomanofmystery
Summary: In which Kevin has accidentally gotten Andrew captured, and now he and Neil are forced to go undercover to get him back, in a very unexpected way. Shenanigans ensue.Based on that one Norse Myth where Thor and Loki go undercover as a bride and handmaiden to get Thor’s hammer back from a giant. Too bad the poor groom’s bride is… uh, Thor? With Kevin as Thor, Neil as Loki, and Andrew once again getting the short end of the stick.Written for Andreil Week 2019, day 8: free choice. I chose a prompt from Andreil week 2018, day 1 mythology and fake dating.





	This Calls For a Toast

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Panic at the Disco's I Write Sins Not Tragedies because I was inspired by a Tumblr post which said, "Too bad the poor groom’s bride is… uh, Thor?" (or something like that) to describe this particular myth and I thought, that's hilarious, now what if I make it Andreil...

“Is this really necessary?” Kevin complains for the five hundredth time.

“Just shut up. And stop fidgeting or I will cut your hands off,” Neil hisses, adjusting his wig. 

“This is stupid. Your plan is terrible and we are both going to die,” Kevin sulks.

Neil can’t see Kevin’s expression under the veil, but he can feel the judgment in his stare. He doesn’t care what Kevin thinks, they’re already almost there and he can feel his nerves starting to fray. He wants to snap and shake Kevin, but he settles for an angry retort.

“You’re being dramatic.”

“No, I’m being realistic. Let’s just leave and come back with help. I’m pretty sure Matt’s around, and he’s pretty good in a fight. Or Renee, I’m sure she would help. She could probably do it herself. Or why can’t we just fight our way through this instead, they’re never going to buy this!”

Neil is on his last nerve, and Kevin is getting dangerously close to stabbing territory. Of course, Neil had thought about bringing back up, but the others were busy, and this was Kevin’s fault after all. Besides…

“There’s no time, and you know what they said. Come alone or,” Neil trails off, shuddering. He doesn’t want to think about it. “I can’t believe you’re willing to risk Andrew’s life just because you don’t want to wear a dress.” 

When Kevin was given the ultimatum it was very clear that they wouldn’t hesitate to kill Andrew if they thought something was wrong, and giants weren’t exactly known for their mercy. Or their intelligence. They were, however, known for their brutality.

Which is why Kevin and Neil were here, standing before massive oak gates set into the side of a sheer cliff face. Neil reaches up, grasping the door-knocker the size of his head and hammering it into the door twice, before settling back to wait, thankful for his extra strength. Being half-dwarf is handy sometimes.

His high heels were killing him, but numb, aching feet were the least of his worries. His thoughts were preoccupied thinking about Andrew. Was he okay? Were they too late? What if they got caught and they killed him. Then he’d have to kill Kevin and it would just be a mess.

“I just don’t want to get murdered when they look under the veil and find out it’s me and not Allison,” Kevin mutters under his breath.

“Coward,” Neil hisses back.

“You’re not the one that has to pretend to get married,” Kevin continues sulking, shifting around again.

“You know I’m not tall enough to pretend to be Allison. I may only be half-dwarf but I’m still nowhere near as tall as an elf.”

Neil can’t believe Kevin’s complaining about this. He just has to sit there and not say anything to give away the fact that he is not, in fact, Allison. Neil’s the one who has to cover for both of them as Kevin’s ‘handmaiden’. He’s really starting to regret his choices though. Anyone would be better than Kevin, despite his excellent fighting skills.

Unfortunately, it had to be this way, since that was the deal. Allison and one handmaiden enter, Andrew and the handmaiden leave, while Allison stays after getting married to Riko, the giant's crown prince. 

_More like giant piece of shit,_ Neil thinks.

“And you’re also not getting mad at Allison for refusing to play along,” Kevin says as if that was an actual point and not just more whining. 

“Yeah, well Allison isn’t the one who got Andrew captured in the first place. Besides you know she’d never risk her life for Andrew,” Neil says, and adds, “But he did risk his for you. Now shut up, I can hear someone coming,” when Kevin looks like he’s going to argue again. Neil elbows Kevin for good measure, who returns the favour just as there’s a loud grinding sound from the doors. 

One of the massive doors open, revealing a giant, ten feet tall and dressed in a fashionable black tuxedo, standing in a grand foyer. 

Kevin squeaks in fear, and Neil decides that this must be Jean, Riko’s most trusted steward and bodyguard in one. He towers over the two of them, even though he is only a half-giant. Kevin’s the only one who has met either of them, though Neil has heard the stories. It’s another reason why Kevin’s hiding under the veil and Neil’s just in a dress and an itchy wig.

Jean looks them over, before checking to make sure they are alone. Satisfied, he turns around to lead the way out of the foyer and down a massive hallway with ornate glass sconces holding ever-burning fire lining the walls.

He’s really starting to regret Kevin’s existence right about now and the events that lead here. He pushes down the temptation to just abandon Kevin to his well-deserved fate, grab Andrew and run. Instead, Neil just takes one of Kevin’s lace-gloved hands and leads him down the hallway and into a massive banquet hall. 

While Neil hates many things about the giants, one thing he has to admire is their architecture. While it’s nothing compared to the dwarves, the soaring ceilings—held aloft by intricately carved pillars—and elaborate glass chandeliers are beautiful, albeit a bit intimidating for someone as short as him. 

Musicians play off to the side of a sunken dance floor where giants dressed in finery dance under the candlelight. It would be a beautiful sight if it wasn’t for the whole kidnapping and forced wedding thing.

There’s a grand table set up at the opposite end of the room, where a giant who is easily 25ft tall, sits at the center of the table. This must be Riko. He’s an ugly brute; large, hairy and mean-looking. _Gee, what a surprise Allison didn’t want to even fake-marry him._

To Riko’s left, looking bored and apathetic as usual sits Andrew. His wrists and ankles are shackled to his chair by large chains, but he’s wearing borrowed finery and he looks mostly unharmed. Neil releases a sigh of tension and goes back to scanning the room. The only way in or out is the entrance they just entered from, and a couple smaller side doors that Neil assumes lead deeper into the mountain.

Jean leads them around the dance floor towards the table. When Riko finally catches sight of them—giants have notoriously poor vision— he stands up, bellowing for the room to be quiet.

The musicians screech to a halt and all of the dancers go still. All eyes turn towards them and Neil feels a drop of sweat roll down his back. His disguise is pretty good all things considered, but Riko knows Kevin and a shitty wig and a veil will only hide so much.

“Greetings everyone! The guests of honour have arrived. I present to you the Lady Allison Reynolds of Alfheim, renowned throughout the land for her beauty and grace.”

Kevin, of course, takes this opportunity to accidentally trip on his heels as he approaches the table, stumbling to a halt in front of Riko. Neil tries his best not to roll his eyes.

Andrew is still sitting, unable to stand because of the heavy chains weighing his small frame down. He’s staring at Neil with a blank look on his face that Neil recognizes as surprise. He obviously didn’t expect whatever this plan was. He certainly wouldn’t expect his rescue team to show up in drag.

Neil gives him what he hopes is a reassuring smile before focusing back on the matters at hand. Riko is going on at length about all of Allison’s virtues when he reaches to lift the veil covering Kevin’s face. Kevin flinches back forcefully and nearly topples over again.

“Oh! No, you can’t do that!” Neil cries, attempting to keep his voice high and feminine.

“Why not?” Riko asks with a frown, suspicion in his eyes. 

Neil shuffles nervously for a second before replying, “Well, you see, it’s bad luck to gaze upon the face of the bride.”

“The giants observe no such tradition,” Riko says haughtily, obviously upset that someone was talking back to him. Fortunately for Neil, that was what he did best. 

“Yes, well, the elves do, and the Lady Allison wishes to respect her own wedding traditions for this night to be as… official as possible. Surely you wish the Lady to enjoy her wedding?”

Riko glances at Kevin, but Kevin just nods his head, wisely not saying anything.

“Why does the Lady not speak in her own defense?”

Neil gets the feeling this excuse is about to become severely over-taxed as he replies, “Well of course it is also tradition that the Bride takes a vow of silence until the vows are said.” 

For a tense moment, Neil thinks Riko is going to ignore him and blow their cover, but then Riko just shrugs and turns back to his guests. 

“Esteemed guests, please partake of the food and dance to your heart's content. The ceremony shall begin at sunset.”

Riko takes a seat and gestures for Kevin and Neil to sit down to his right. Kevin carefully takes the seat beside Riko, and Neil follows suit, sitting beside Kevin. The table is huge, and they look absolutely ridiculous sitting there, though Kevin, with his tall, willowy elven build, looks the least ridiculous. His legs actually almost touch the floor. 

Thankfully there are boosters on the seats so that the non-giants can actually see over the table, but their legs all dangle awkwardly. Andrew has to perch on the edge of his seat just so his legs can actually bend, chains stretched almost to their limit. It would be hilarious if the situation wasn’t so tense.

Neil scans the crowd again, this time assessing the danger more closely. Besides an advantage in height and numbers, none of the guests look prepared for a fight. Neil can’t tell if they are underestimating them, or are just overly trusting. Neil doubts it is the latter. There are a couple of guards stationed at the entrance that might make things difficult later, but Neil has faced worse odds before.

Neil has a couple of knives hidden on his person, and so does Kevin. _I guess that’s one useful thing about large dresses,_ Neil thinks, shifting in his seat uncomfortably. He’s done undercover missions before, but he very rarely has to dress up like this, and he’s not used to the bulk of the clothing.

The next hour is incredibly dull. They are constantly being watched by either Riko, who is imbibing mead at an alarming rate, or Jean, who is constantly hovering behind and waiting on Riko’s every whim. Neil picks at the food in front of him, suspicious of potential poisons.

Neil tries his best to communicate with Andrew without being too obvious, but they are only really able to stare at each other and make minimal hand gestures without getting caught. Their non-verbal exchange goes something like this:

_What the hell do you think you are doing?_

_Don’t worry, me and Kevin have everything under control._

_You are a dumbass._

_I know, this is taking a long time, but it’s all going to plan._

_I hate you. You shouldn’t have come._

_Tough luck. I’m here and we are getting you out.  
_

Neil’s attention is dragged away from their staring contest by Riko making a loud exclamation; “The Lady Allison is eating a lot of food. My what a big appetite she has!”

Neil looks to his right where Kevin has been mournfully eating everything in sight. 

“Yes, she… uh… hasn’t eaten in a while. She was so… lovesick for you that she fasted for a week, and now upon seeing you her appetite has returned.” 

Neil tries. He honest to the gods tries to make his lie sound believable, but he’s not sure he’s pulled it off. Riko squints, looking closer at Kevin, who subtly leans further away.

“Lady Allison has such large hands, I’ve never noticed before.”

“Yes, the Lady has inherited them from her father,” Neil replies quickly. “She is very skilled at hand-to-hand combat.”

“Hmmm. Yes, well the lady also has not been very graceful. How do you explain that?”

“Well, of course, it was a long and difficult journey to arrive here in these beautiful outfits. Have you ever walked for miles in high heels?” Neil responds, putting as much shame and censure as he can into his voice. “Surely you wish the Lady to look her best, no matter the sacrifice.”

“Er, yes, of course, I did not think of the Lady’s comfort.”

“Yes well the _Lady_ would prefer it if she was not questioned any further by the _love of her life._ Is that all?” Neil uses extra emphasis to make Riko feel extra guilty.

Riko just grunts and goes back to eating his food, looking sufficiently chastened. Kevin doesn’t even look at Neil, too done with his shit to do anything.

To the other side of Riko Andrew is leaning back to see around everyone in between the two of them. The look on his face says, _Really? That’s the best you can do?_

Neil winces and shrugs slightly. Hey, it worked. It’s not his fault Kevin sucks at this.

“I’m starting to feel like you’re the big bad wolf,” Neil mutters under his breath.

“What?” Kevin hisses back. 

“You know, where he has to keep coming up with ridiculous lies to pretend to be the grandmother? Whatever, it’s not important.”

“How the hell have we even gotten this far,” Kevin groans.

Neil looks over to see Andrew smirking at him before he looks away quickly, drumming his fingers impatiently. He wants to act now, grab Kevin and Andrew and just run, but he knows he has to wait for the right opportunity.

It is exceedingly frustrating that there are no windows, so it is difficult to tell how much time has passed. The party is still in full swing, giants dining and dancing everywhere he looks. Neil spends the rest of the evening coming up with more ridiculous lies to cover for Kevin. Neil would be pissed off at Kevin’s terrible acting if it wasn’t so hilarious watching him react to what Neil says, for once unable to do anything about his antics.

Thankfully an opportunity to act comes before Kevin explodes or they are discovered, when Riko stands up, bellowing for the room to be quiet once more; 

“This calls for a toast! It is nearly sunset, so I would like to say a few words before the ceremony begins.” 

Riko sets into a long speech, slightly slurred from alcohol, about his triumph over the elves and all of his glory etcetera etcetera. Neil doesn’t waste time paying attention. A quick glance around tells him all eyes are on Riko. 

Neil slips around Kevin and Riko, using the over-sized table as cover from the other giants by traveling under the tablecloth. He emerges beside Andrew, pulling two long pins from his wig. Fake hair cascades across his face as he gets to work on the cuffs secured around Andrew’s hands. 

He works quickly, fortunately—or unfortunately—used to working under pressure. He gets one of Andrew’s hands free and shifts to the other. He’s so focused on his task he doesn’t notice his surroundings until—just as he pops the second lock—he feels a hand slip under his skirt and straight to the knife holster on his thigh. Before he can process anything else, there’s a clang directly behind his head. 

Neil is tense for a moment at the sudden touch but relaxes immediately upon realizing who it was. Andrew always knows where he keeps his knives. He only spares a seconds glance to see Andrew, holding a dagger one-handed, parrying a blow from Jean’s massive giant’s sword; the tip of the sword wedged against the hilt of the dagger. Andrew’s arm shakes and he is gritting his teeth, but he manages to twist the sword out of Jean’s hand and off to the side, where it clatters loudly to the ground. 

Neil can feel all eyes on their little scene. Riko is off to the side, cut off mid-sentence and mouth open in astonishment and confusion. This information is all secondary to Neil, who has turned to the locks on Andrew’s feet, trying to work faster.

“I’m tired of this nonsense,” Riko bellows before reaching up and removing Kevin’s veil with one swift tug. Behind him, the room is deadly quiet for one moment before it suddenly erupts into chaos.

“You!” Riko shrieks, making a grab for Kevin, who dodges past him. Jean has decided Riko is more important than Neil and Andrew and goes to protect him. 

“What’s the plan?” Andrew asks, eyes scanning the room for exits, or more likely back up. Riko has now sounded the alarm and more guards are pouring into the room. Their odds of success are dwindling if they don’t figure something out soon.

“Uh, fight?” Neil replies, finally getting the last lock undone. 

“Of course it is,” Andrew huffs, wasting no time hauling Neil over to Kevin. They put their backs together as they are slowly surrounded by a crowd of angry giants.

“Why does it always end up like this?” Kevin sighs before falling into a fighting stance, his own short sword removed from where he was hiding it under his bulky wedding dress. Neil passes over a couple more knives to Andrew before pulling out his battle ax from where it’s been chafing against him for the past several hours and finally kicking off his stupid shoes.

Andrew quirks an eyebrow and Kevin stares at him incredulously. Neil just shrugs.

“What? How did you… I could barely hide my sword!”

“Well I wasn’t leaving without it,” Neil says as if that explains anything. He knows it doesn’t, but he likes watching Kevin try and figure it out. He can almost see the steam coming out of his ears.

They end up in a standoff, neither party making the first move. Riko raises his massive broadsword. Beside him, Kevin shuffles nervously.

“It’s going to be fine,” Neil lies. He has no idea how it's going to go, but he wishes he had tried harder to recruit more help after all. No use worrying about that now.

Riko is the first one to strike and a desperate battle begins. Outnumbered from the start, Kevin Andrew and Neil are slowly beaten down. Kevin takes a mace to his left hand, forcing him to switch to his right, while Neil gets a long slash across his ribs. 

The Giants seem to just keep coming. They claim the high ground by clambering onto the table near the start of the battle, limiting the number of opponents that can reach them, but it only slows the enemy down. 

“This isn’t working,” Kevin pants, always the first to point out dire situations.

“Oh, really? I hadn’t noticed,” Neil hisses back, flinching as he tugs at the shallow gash on his chest after he deflects a particularly harsh blow. Andrew shoots him a concerned look, but he’s too busy fighting to be able to do anything. 

“He’s right,” Andrew grunts, kicking a giant in the face, then grabbing onto Neil for support so he doesn’t fall off the table.

“Well I’m ready for any suggestions you guys have,” Neil says, desperately trying to formulate a plan. Nothing is coming to mind when a rumbling sound starts coming from the doors at the front of the banquet hall before they are pushed open by a powerful gust of wind. 

Renee is visible first, hands outstretched and glowing. Behind her, Matt, Dan and Allison come into view in full battle gear and armed with an assortment of weapons.

All parties freeze before Allison starts laughing. Dan and Matt are grinning, and even Renee has a faint smile. He supposes they must look pretty ridiculous but now is not a good time.

“Uh, a little help here!” Neil calls out. The others join the fight and soon enough they have reached the table where Kevin, Andrew, and Neil are fighting. It doesn’t take long before they are able to fight their way out. They are all excellent fighters in their own rights, and together they make a good team. 

They retreat out of the ballroom and back down the long hallway. The fresh air of the outdoors is a great relief. They head for the surrounding trees, escaping into the higher branches of a particularly large oak tree. Between Kevin’s hand injury and Andrew’s fear of heights it’s almost amazing they made it up into the tree at all, but somehow they get there without being seen. In this case, being small and fast is an advantage.

The seven of them hide in the branches, waiting for the giants who chased after them to lose their trail. Neil and Andrew end up beside each other.

“I thought you said no one was coming,” Kevin accused, once they were all settled. His gown was torn and most of the bottom below the knees was missing—probably for mobility—but besides his hand, he looks okay.

“To be fair, Matt said you guys were busy,” Neil responds, turning to look at their last-minute rescuers. Renee is using her magic to heal Kevin’s hand and the others were talking, but at Neil’s words they all looked up. Neil leans against Andrew who supports him effortlessly while using part of Neil’s dress to put pressure on Neil’s wound while they wait for Renee to finish with Kevin. 

“When you asked if we were busy you neglected to mention that you were planning a ridiculously dangerous life-or-death rescue mission. If we had known, we would have canceled our plans!” Matt exclaims, lightly—or what he thought was lightly—punching Neil in the arm from his perch on an adjacent branch.

“Yeah, If Allison hadn’t checked in, we wouldn’t have known at all!” Dan exclaims.

“I didn’t want to interrupt your plans,” Neil says stubbornly.

“Neil, we are your friends! You don’t have to worry about inconveniencing us with your problems. I was more than willing to help with an attack even if I wouldn’t pretend to marry Riko. Besides, none of us actually want the monster dead,” Allison adds in, ignoring Neil’s glare at her use of the word “monster”. 

Renee chooses that moment to butt in, politely asking Andrew to let her see Neil’s wound. Renee’s healing magic itches like crazy, but Neil can’t deny it’s usefulness. He grits his teeth and tries to ignore the feeling.

“More importantly,” Allison continues as if she wasn’t interrupted, “I would never pass up the opportunity to see you both in dresses. Especially you Kevin. You looked so awkward I can’t believe anyone bought that pathetic disguise. Remember Neil, I always appreciate a chance to watch Kevin fail.”

“That’s fair. Kevin was pretty terrible at it,” Neil observes, trying to get a reaction out of Kevin.

It works. Kevin scowls and snaps something back. The others continue to laugh and talk quietly while they wait for the all clear from Dan, who has gone off to scout at some point when Neil wasn’t looking. 

Andrew pulls Neil closer, pressing his lips to his hair, in a rare gesture of public affection. Now that the adrenaline has worn off, Neil is tired and achy, but as he settles in to wait he thinks he probably wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Comments and Kudos are always appreciated. Come yell at me on Tumblr at reneeisbuffjesus.


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